I’d love some criticism and thought on this SCP I wrote. Cheers!
Okay, as a quick reminder, the brainstorming board is for outlines and concepts before you start drafting; the draft thread is where stuff like this goes (requesting a mod move this thread <3)
Now, looking over this draft:
It would have been a good idea to get the idea for this reviewed in the brainstorming forum before starting to draft it; I'm sorry to say I can't see this article working out, and have to suggest that you start over. I'll explain my reasoning here, and maybe that will help for the future.
Procedures:
SCP-3745 is permitted to leave it’s cell whenever it chooses however it must be kept under watch by at least two (2) armed guards with level 3 clearance at all times. Subject may freely speak with personnel however it is suggested that conversation is limited to events taken place post 20’th century. Subject may not be physically interacted with without level 4 clearance and cannot leave the facility without permission from O5-█.
Huge red flags here, right out of the gate - containment procedures that allow the SCP to wander around doing whatever it wants are a very common mistake that will, all by itself, cause many readers to immediately downvote and move on. It's an indication that the anomaly is going to be a "friendly superhero" type SCP; a person with powers that uses them to help the Foundation. This type of story is almost invariably very unpopular with the audience here, probably because it's unrealistic, a bit of a cliche, and usually ends up with no meaningful conflict to make it interesting. The idea that the O5s would be signing day passes for this guy is another common pitfall - that would be like the CEO of a multinational corporation personally approving vacation time for entry-level employees (also, why would the Foundation ever let a superpowered guy from the past out into society, even temporarily?). All of this is covered on the guides in the guide hub and So You Want to Write a Humanoid, so it might be worth checking those out.
Guards were told to hold their fire and SCP-3745 apparently noticing his breach to be a “serious misconduct against his host’s place of research” voluntarily “reversed” the melting of his cell and promptly returned to the inside. SCP-3745 has done this numerous times despite multiple materials and extensive security procedures used to contain it. Each time SCP-3745 has been content to obey the Foundation’s requests to reenter the cell displaying no violence to the guardsmen or interviewers. SCP-3745 is to be reclassified Thaumiel due to its compliance to Foundation interests.
Again, this is not that interesting to read about - there's no conflict here if the guy just melts the wall and then puts it back and the Foundation just lets that happen. It doesn't make sense to make the thing Thaumiel if it's too disobedient or too clueless to follow an instruction like "stay in your cell," and I don't see it as being useful enough anyway (being able to make guns stronger isn't a game-changer for the Foundation as a whole). Instead, it seems like an attempt to make this character more important without "earning" that importance through the story.
SCP-3745, who calls himself “Sostratos” claims to be a doctor from the Ancient Classical period. When addressing himself, Sostratos uses the title “Magister Medicus.” Although he understands English, he refuses to speak what he claims an “unrefined and dying language,” rather preferring Ancient or modern Greek. When questioned of his origin, Sostratos states that he was born in 490 BC. When any ancient conflicts or violent events are mentioned, Sostratos flies into a rage that will result in him [DATA EXPUNGED] the nearest living human. When questioned why, he simply states that it is time to move on from such squalor. However, Sostratos is a friendly, well mannered individual who as long as the conditions such as living arrangements and spoken terms are met will be content to comply with Site-88 researchers.
(SCP objects should be referred to as "it," not "him".)
This doesn't make sense to me; a character who hates violence so much that he kills people for mentioning it doesn't sound "well-mannered," he sounds insane. If you were operating the Site, would you want to have this guy walking around when he's so temperamental? More importantly, it makes the character pretty unlikable. This ancient Greek wizard is your main character, but I already have a hard enough time relating to him because we have nothing in common; giving him a personality that commits senseless murder with such shoddy justification makes me less interested in continuing to read about him, not more.
The interview log has the same problem with lack of conflict - they hand him things, ask him to do magic on them, and he does it with no problem. It's not that interesting, and it's not a very strong note to end on because it doesn't leave the reader with anything they didn't already get from the procedures and description.
I think it would be a good idea to shelve this for a while and maybe take a look at recent SCPs that are doing well, especially ones that are tagged "humanoid." It's also a pretty good idea to take a look around the other drafts in the forum - you can see other people hitting the same obstacles that way, and learn from their experience. Good luck!
Hey man thanks for the quick and honest reply. I was loosely basing this SCP off of the SCP known as "Cain" who is freely allowed to wander about. This is my first SCP, if you hadn't noticed. A lot of SCP's in their descriptions refer to the SCP as a "him" I've noticed but outside of the description I only called 3745 "It." Some SCP's don't have any conflict at all, it's never specified at all.
I really like the idea I have for the SCP. I don't mind making it darker. I think it'd be awesome! Obviously this is nowhere near done. I'd like some input on how I can salvage this idea. Please, talk to me again some time!
I was loosely basing this SCP off of the SCP known as "Cain" who is freely allowed to wander about.
For the record, SCP-073 was originally posted to the site on 25 July 2008, over 10 years ago. It's probably not the best article to use as a guideline for today's expectations.