Hi, I've posted my SCP here in the past and since I pretty much finished the SCP, taking in account what was said, so I decided to give it another shot here http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/dl-baryonyx thanks for taking your time reading it ^^
Let's have a look, author.
Note: I correct the given mistake only once. If you do not use the metric system, I will only make a single comment about it, even if it appears again in the rest of the article. If the draft has many language problems, I will only correct the most glaring ones.
Your formatting is incorrect; you can start the sentence immediately after. So like this:
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is currently contained in Site-56, which is currently set up under the guise of a petroleum processing company.
Same with the description.
No personnel without at least level 2 clearance are to be allowed access to the Site.
''Access to SCP-XXXX is restricted to level 2 personnel and higher.''
Any instances of SCP-XXXX-3 seen crawling out of SCP-XXXX are to be pushed back into SCP-XXXX, termination is authorized as a last resort action.
Clinical tone:
''Instances of SCP-XXXX-3 attempting to escape SCP-XXXX are to be moved back into it on discovery.''
A live cow is to be fed to SCP-XXXX once every 2 weeks to ensure that SCP-XXXX's fauna doesn't die out.
Same here:
''SCP-XXXX is fed a live cow every 14 days.''
Avoid using fluff text like "To ensure safety" to justify containment. In-universe, it's assumed that all instructions are there for a good reason. If you're building an IKEA bookshelf, you don't need to know that the screws are in place to hold the shelves together. You just need to know where the screws go.
SCP-XXXX is a chasm located in a remote area of Scotland, the length and depth of SCP-XXXX are unknown.
Why? Measuring is easy, just use LIDAR. If that's impossible somehow, give us a rough estimate.
Okay, moving to 'concept' for now.
So the largest issue is clinical tone. Something like this is supposed to be written like it could be a scientific report. No contractions, no casual language. So things like:
A cricket-like creature 1.5 to 3 meter in length depending of the individuals, SCP-XXXX-6 have an heavily-plated exoskeleton, four crawling legs, and two bladed forearms used to tear apart preys, their overall coloration is greenish-brown.
Would be:
''An insectoid resembling a cricket with mostly cylindrical, somewhat vertically flattened bodies, measuring 1.5 to 3 meters. This quadruped creature, designated SCP-XXXX-6 possesses an exoskeleton made of tough chitin and two pincers that it uses for hunting. Their overall coloration is greenish-brown''
So no words like 'lurking', 'stalking' and 'tearing apart'.
To quote from How To Write An SCP:
You're writing from the perspective of an SCP researcher. Most professionals wouldn't send their boss a report with a fart joke in it. You also probably wouldn't use slang in a research paper for school.
As well, researchers should try to be detached and unemotional in their writing. Not because they don't have emotions, but because letting that slip into their writing makes them seem less objective and makes the writing more emotionally charged.
Example: If describing a werewolf, you should not write:
> The entity is a ten foot tall wolfman with glowing crimson eyes and teeth like daggers. Its howl sends shivers down your spine, as if you instinctively know that we are its prey.
Instead, write something like:
> The entity is a canid biped, approximately 3 meters in length. It has luminescent red eyes and prominent incisors. Its vocalizations universally trigger a fear reflex in human subjects.
I recommend fixing the language first until we look at narrative in-depth.
Feedback over, good luck!
This is my third (and i hope final) version of my SCP. http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/dl-baryonyx , i hope you have a good read and thanks for taking your time (please note that this SCP is more in the roots of Series 2 and is not story focused like Series 4 is).